Questions? Feedback? powered by Olark live chat software
May 06, 2016

20 comments

Tagged with:

Dan's Writings ›  



Print

Search

A Mother's Day Tribute

A curious feature of Mother’s Day is the way it is spelled. The commercial forces that help drive the popularity of the holiday sometimes spell it Mothers Day. When advertising greeting cards, flowers, and candy it is probably productive to give the impression that this is a day to celebrate all mothers. But the originator of Mother’s Day (Anna Jarvis in 1908) was quite insistent that it should be spelled as a singular possessive because she wanted people to celebrate a single person - their own mother - “the person who has done more for you than anyone in the world.”

Learning this shook my understanding of Mother’s Day. I was among the millions who assumed that Mother’s Day was a holiday for all mothers - Mothers Day. Because I am who I am, I figured that meant ALL mothers. For many decades I tipped my hat to the mothers of obnoxious puppies and noisy piglets. I marveled at the way mother robins held tight on their eggs in the face of bull snakes and dive-bombed marauding barn cats that stalked their chicks. The tenderness of a mother buffalo licking her newborn calf and nudging it up onto its feet. I figured that the abundant life of spring was the reason Mother’s Day was in May. 

The only time I was ever around a young, human mother was sixty years ago when I was really too young to realize all she did for me. As a teenager, a young man, and finally an adult, I was very close to my mother - Inez Woods O’Brien. I loved and respected her very much but I never completely understood her role in my life until my adopted daughter had a baby. They live on the ranch with us and for the last two years I have watched Jilian closely and seen my mother in her actions, her eyes, and her touch. Now I see what my mother did for me in those years before I was old enough to understand.

It is easy for me to remember her encouraging me to sing in the grade school choir. I remember her sitting at the kitchen table helping me with my homework. The day I broke my arm and she gathered me up, compound fracture and all, and drove me to the hospital. I remember her taking charge, seeing me into the operating room, standing at the head of the gurney as the anesthesia closed in around me. Not until the darkness began to restrict my vision did she give me over to the doctors. The last thing I saw was my mother, standing above me, growing faint, wobbling, and finally slipping down and out of sight. She hit the floor in a dead faint, but not before I was safe. When I began to drive, the light was always on when I turned the corner to our house. If I looked quickly I’d see her disappear from the window. When I came into the house she would pretend to be asleep. Though she had never gone to college herself, she counseled me through high school, undergraduate school, and beyond. I feel her wisdom to this day.

She was always known for her sense of humor, her glamour, and her singing. Over the years, more than one of my friends fell in love with her. On my writing desk there is a single framed picture of Mom. It is not of a vibrant young woman like Jilian that watches me from behind the glass.

Inez Woods O'Brien

In the picture she is in her early eighties. She is in the assisted living apartment where she lived the last few years of her life. She is an old lady, but you have to look close to see it. She’s smiling and wearing a chic, tiger-striped jacket over a black blouse and slacks. There is an empty cocktail glass on the counter beside her and a half a bottle of Dewar’s Scotch rests on her knee. 

Because I now know the rest of the story, I know that many years before she must have held me the way I have seen Jilian hold her baby. She must have radiated that same exhausted beauty. She must have taught me my colors and the names of animals that I have never forgotten. I wish I could have seen her picking up the demolished house when I was finally asleep. Now I can imagine her suffering through the potty training, and standing silently at my bedroom door, watching to be sure my tiny chest was still rising and falling with a steady rhythm. It is hard to believe that I have lived for sixty-eight years without this knowledge, sixty-eight Mother’s Days without knowing that this is a day for ONE person. Every time I look at the picture on my desk I want to step through the glass and join her. I want to wrap her up in my arms and sob.


Comments

Tom Montgomery

May 07, 2016

Fabulous. Thanks Dan. I’m flying home after moving my 94.5 year old mom into assisted living, so this was an especially welcome and worthy read.

Maricela from Texas

May 07, 2016

My mama passed away at age 76 a long time ago. I’m not a young woman anymore. I live my life to honor G d, the best that I know how, and my parents until we meet again at the rainbow bridge along with my pets who passed away. Blessings to all.

Judie Maxfield

May 07, 2016

Such a touching story. Thank you from places in my heart that I’ve not looked into for many years. Times have changed but the love of a mother seems to grow and grow.
Seventy years ago life was so different. Makes me long for those handmade, quieter times.
Thanks again. God bless y’all.

Laurie Hamilton

May 07, 2016

I’m weeping. What a wonderful tribute!

David Caputo

May 07, 2016

Beautiful tribute to your mother and to motherhood. Thanks for sharing.

Patti Lattanzia

May 07, 2016

Beautifully written – as always, Dan. No one will ever love you like your Mother. The wonder of it chokes you up and makes the tears flow.

Bill Day

May 07, 2016

Dan, from the North Georgia mountains, what a great piuece. Why do we wait so long to thank our mom for all she did for us, until it is to late? Thanks for reminding us.

bill

Linda Huhn

May 07, 2016

Well, you got me sobbing so thanks a lot!!

Fee Jacobsen

May 07, 2016

Heartwarming! Thanks for putting in words what many of us feel but don’t have the wherewithal to express. You do know how to bring out the tears. Happy Mother’s Day to Jill and Jillian.

Carol O'Brien

May 07, 2016

Precious! Still hugging my 96 year old Mom. I’ll hug her tighter after reading this. Thanks for the beautiful words!

Chris Jorgensen

May 07, 2016

Thank you Dan. Miss her so much. Looking forward to our reunion in Heaven.
God Bless!

Ruth Uhl

May 07, 2016

Lovely words about your dear mother. Mine is 90 and has dementia, but I’m grateful we still have her. Daddy, too. It wasn’t until I went off to college that I realized my parents did not eat until our grandmother and all us kids were eating. They sacrificed for us but we didn’t realize it as they never whined about it. Always loving. When I became a mother I finally understood how much Mama loves me and all of us. Very blessed, for sure.

Carole Slater

May 07, 2016

Thank you, Dan. That was a beautiful ode to your mom. It’s especially beautiful when we consider that motherhood is not a trained art. As a mother myself, I know the enormous amount of love and care I gave to my children while making countless mistakes, as well, along the way. We all do our best. We carve out our own path as parents and pray our children will grow up, as you have, to appreciate our efforts. I know my children do. I’m sure your Jill does, as well May God bless all the beautiful children on our planet…that includes us adults!

Keith A. Lewis

May 07, 2016

Thank you Inez. You raised a wonderful son—a person who gives me hope and optimism in this troubled world. Oh that there were more like him!

Jill Hammond

May 08, 2016

This gem will live in my heart’s archive and forever remind me of the beauty and wonder of my mother, Ruth.

Jiff Blansfield

May 08, 2016

Hardest job you’ll ever love. Thanks Dan, for capturing the spirit of it.

Lea Sylvestro

May 10, 2016

..And I had never thought to include non-human mothers in my sense of Mothers Day! I will drop the apostrophe, even as you add it. I loved this reminiscence about your mother, and her spirit as you captured it and as portrayed in the photo.

Darcie Bacon

May 10, 2016

Amen.

Pat

May 11, 2016

I had been waiting to write something special, Dan. Now, after reading all of the previous comments…obviously I can only echo them and continue to spread your full of wonder aka wonderful words.

Tanks, non-military.

Janis

May 12, 2016

Wow, great tribute. ! No wonder you write good books. Thank you.

Leave a comment

Comments will be approved before showing up.