Like a lot of Americans, I have been paying close attention to the kids who survived the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. It’s very unlikely that I will ever experience anything like what those kids have gone through. But when I watch their faces as they stand up and speak truth to the legislators who hold the power and responsibility for seeing that our schools are safe, and contemplate the need for society to do something to protect them, I see something in their postures and in their eyes that is vaguely familiar. Of course there is great emotion in what they are saying. They are courageous but, if you look closer, you can see a tiny shift in their eyes, an involuntary tilt of their heads, a little change in their balance, as if they are listening to the sound of a faint audible bell sounding in their heads.
Though it is barely comparable, I have had a glimpse of that look. Six weeks ago I returned home from a short, few hour trip into Rapid City. We live in a remote area at the end of miles of gravel roads and at the dead end of a two-mile-long driveway. We go weeks without seeing a car. When I came home that day, I expected to see my dog, Shiner, tearing around the corner of the horse barn to greet me. He’s usually excited to go inside with me but, that day I saw no sign of him. It was cold and getting dark so I figured he’d weaseled his way into Erney’s cabin, who is our old friend and dog caretaker. I really didn’t think much about it, just parked the car and walked past the horse barn to Erney’s to collect him. When I asked Erney, he just shrugged. “Haven’t seen him. Haven’t seen anything, all day.”
We agreed that he was probably somewhere in the trees, exercising the rabbits. We talked for a few minutes and I made my way back to the house. By now it was almost dark and the light had become eerie. When I got to the house I found the front door wide open. I wasn’t sure what to think. I could only believe that I had inadvertently left the door open when I’d left a few hours before. I stepped in and flipped on the light that illuminated the broken glass of picture frames that were scattered across the floor. I heard Shiner coming from the back bedroom. I initially went for the easy explanation: I left the door open, Shiner found it, came inside, and had a dog party in our house. But Shiner is not that kind of dog, he is not a Rottweiler or Doberman Pincher, he is a small, gentle, white English Setter, with a black patch around one eye. By then he was standing in the hallway, looking ashamed and as bewildered as I felt. A few more feet in and I noticed that the computer I’d been on just a few hours before was gone. Drawers were gaped open and I walked to one of the open drawers and saw that my Colt revolver was gone. My walk down the hall showed more open drawers and missing electronics.
I had called Colton and went to the window when I heard him pull up to the shop (which he was going to check out when he arrived), and I stared out in disbelief, the ranch pick-up truck was gone. We had been robbed. Our wall of security had been breached. Our little Camelot had been violated. What had Shiner seen? His tail wagged in slow confusion. Thump, thump, thump against the wall.
In twenty years we had never locked a door, never taken the keys out of the ranch trucks. When Jill and Jilian showed up they stood staring at the damage gasping, that is when I first saw the troubled look that I’ve been seeing on the faces of kids from Marjory Stoneman Douglass High School. That faint bell was sounding, inside Jill and Jilian’s heads. It was fear, a loss of innocence, a recalculation of the order of our lives. Who did this? Meth heads? Crazies? Would they come back? It’s a bell that could never be un-rung.
We’d lost the pickup, the computer, stereo speakers, my kindle, cell phone, some jewelry, and the old Colt revolver that I had kept near me for forty years. Our family photos could be reframed and our photographed faces would again smile out into the room, but those faces would never be the same – they had now been changed.
It was clear that the greatest loss was something that could not be calculated. From the material realm, the insurance did not cover the pickup and after the deductible and depreciation values, the check was incredibly small. There was enough to cover all new door locks and a now needed security system, what was left over I reserved to buy a new pistol. Because I didn’t know what else to do, I walked over to the cabinet where the old Colt had always been, and put it in the drawer. It was a hollow gesture.
76 comments
It’s sad to say that if this had been in South Africa your fate would have been a lot worse. The important thing is that your still alive and life goes on you just bounce back. Learn from the knockout and come back stronger.
So sad that your part of the country & your home was hit. No one is safe no matter where you live!
Residences in rural and urban areas get robbed and always have. Surprised to see people who think it doesn’t happen ‘where Dan lives’. Burglaries for any individual are rare. I live in the city and have had things taken from my front step. My parents live in the country and have had their home broken into. My dad’s grandparents had the same thing happen decades before. Mass shootings are also extremely rare but that they happen as often as they do is a new thing. More guns will do little to stop them. Registries, background checks and assault weapon bans will help. More compassion that leads to a society with more opportunity and help for those who need it would also reduce shootings.
Truly sorry that this violation of your family space occurred. It is a terrible feeling. Something like this can make anyone feel powerless against the evils of the world.
I wish you and your family the best, hope that you will find strength in each other’s love, and trust that the knowledge that your mission is a force for good will bring you some amount of peace.
Folks like the intruders should be staked out on the prairie for the ants. Yep, they should. And who knows what ugly things they may have done to ole Shiner. Keep us posted on whether these scurrilous critters are found and strung up …
I am sorry that this turn has fallen into your lives.
A few thoughts. I went after outfitter poachers for 30 years. Caught ‘em where, before, they had the run of the back country, Yellowstone and adjoining Wilderness areas. They retaliated. 30 miles from any road, they’d poisoned my horses twice ..spread porcupine quills in the mules roll spots. Little support from the govt., not because they didn’t want to but because they didn’t know how to help. Initially, what can one do except go after them with still greater determination? Thus it is with any home invasion or violation of personal space. Fight fire with fire …whether literal or figuratively. But there are other responsibilities after being violated … and that is compassion. Compassion for people best learned with compassion for my farms bison families. For me the hardest to deal with, is my killing of my bison. I am their brothers keepers and I have control over their lives .. and death. To see a big bull peek his head from around a big bale … after I had not done the job needed with the first shot …. looking at me from 20 feet away. So innocent … & for decades I was so caring for him… and then I kill him.
The only way forward is to be prepared before it happens? To give the prayer before every death one causes …. as every hunter-gatherer has done for tens of thousands of years. It is impossible not to. As for those violating ones home and space it is the same as that of that wounded bull looking around the big bale at me. Give a prayer to those violating. Every poacher, big tough cowboy types, I ever caught started crying way up there in those mts. when the gig was up. Those violating the Obrien’s will cry too, some day. But everyone of us caretaking buffalo … and then killing them…needs to cry. I think, or we get hardened to life. Pray to that animal and every one of their immediate family. Those are my thoughts.
How horrible!! To have a heartbreaking situation like that to happen must have been horrendous to you & your family. It’s a shame that “civilization” came in & stole your sense of peace & calm. Mourn the losses you had (the innocence & tranquility) and love Shiner for his bravery (he tried his best). You lost possessions that can & have been replaced now you have to rebuild the peace & tranquility that was taken and that is a much harder thing to do. At least no one was hurt physically.
My heartfelt sympathies for your “loss of innocence” .
Sorry for the computer glich.
Parkland … and being robbed? And of course, “Comments will be approved before showing up,” just like the RCJ. Best of luck with your recovery.
Even the remote national parks, forests, and ski areas, where I’ve worked are no longer safe. Park rangers carry guns and vandalism there seems to be an expression of resentment against the educated portions of society as represented by national parks, Patagonia, organic farming, and the womens’.
Even the remote national parks, forests, and ski areas, where I’ve worked are no longer safe. Park and forest rangers now carry guns, and vandalism combines with theft to indicate a resentment against educated people, businesses, and institutions. Icons of enlightenment such as national parks, Patagonia, and Wolf research, seem to get more than random criminal activity would indicate. Trump’s rampage against Obama’s legacy appears similar.
sorry to hear of your violation and loss. It happened to me also, so I know how it feels, and its like being raped. My thoughts and pray goes out to you and yours. God bless you and keep looking up cause our redemption draws near.
I came home from work late one night to discover my door wide open, my house had been broken into. My security camera showed a teenager neighbor (who knew where the cameras were) walk by my house (which he had never done) in broad day light, and 9 minutes later walk back to his house. The camera caught cars (who we knew) passing at the same time as he was walking, They saw him on my prosperity but no one saw him go into or out of my house, so the law did nothing about it. (that was 2012 and nothing still done) I have seen him many times since then and have let him know I kew it was him and rather than kicking his butt I have chosen to leave him in God’s Hands. I was offered very little from the insurance.
Yes all of it is related. The shootings at schools and gathering places, the theft, corruption, war, and family violence. It’s a system full of judgement, shame, hopelessness and dying integrity. As a psychotherapist I have my theories about why this is happening so I have not lost hope yet. I believe we can still turn around as a nation. And a world. We only need one Frodo. And right now I believe we have many.
I believe the degrading of our society also strangely galvanizes the ones of us who cherish human and earth’s beauty, our compassion and integrity. And encourages to hold even more dearly what still remains.
Someone once said if everything you do is with love you cannot go wrong. It is each moment as such for which we can exercise our power.
Thank you for such eloquence
I was right there with you seeing your dog’s feeling of failure. I could feel him yearning for your acceptance of his inability to stop the invasion. It’s moments like that where we remember animals are just as much family as humans.
WOW…!!!! what an erperience and shock of discovery that your “private space” has been violated… Even more so in a remote, rural area…!!!
Unfornatenatley our society and culture is changeing… If i have learned one in my short life it’s , the "one constant thing " in our society and world today, is “Change” and the better able we are to deal with that change that is occuring constantly drtrmines how well we will get along today in our lives…future
You just had a huge change in your life, when you discovered a break-in at your home and i know from following your wonderful Blog for the past year, your family and lifestyle will be changed forever and how well you deal with that new change will effect your future…
My best wishes to you and you and faamily for a wonderful future and now you can pack that Pistol with you instead of in the drwer…!!!!